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These Funny Christmas Card Messages Will Leave You in Splits

Funny Christmas Card Messages
While sending out a million Christmas cards, all of us at some point do experience a writer's block. The holiday season brings a wonderful and splendid atmosphere that sometimes helps in writing messages to family and friends. However, there have been times when penning down your thoughts can seem like an uphill task.
CelebrationJoy Staff
Last Updated: Nov 21, 2018
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic. ~ Anonymous
✍ Christmas is the Disneyfication of Christianity ~ Don Cupitt

✍ Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it weren't for Christmas, We'd all be Jewish. ~ Benny Hill

✍ Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. ~ Mary Ellen Chase

✍ You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger. ~ Robert Paul
quote by Joan Rivers
✍ Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet. ~ Anonymous

✍ Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money. ~ Anonymous
✍ Christmas is for children. But it is for grownups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts. ~ Lenora Weber

✍ There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. ~ Bob Phillips
funny christmas mesage
✍ Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. ~ Johnny Carson

✍ I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month. ~ Harlan Miller
✍ A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. ~ Garrison Keillor

✍ Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. ~ Kin Hubbard
quote by Tom Sims
✍ From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist, it would be necessary to invent it. ~ Katharine Whitehorn

✍ Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. ~ Victor Borge
✍ The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. ~ Jay Leno
✍ Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human - like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family... ~ Berke Breathed
quote by W. C. Fields
✍ There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries. ~ W. J. Cameron

✍ Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. ~ Dennis Miller
quote by Johnny Carson
✍ Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home. ~ Carol Nelson

✍ I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up, they have no holidays. ~ Henny Youngman
quote by Larry Wilde
✍ Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love! ~ Hamilton Wright Mabie

✍ He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. ~ Roy L. Smith
quote by Shirley Temple
✍ That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

✍ People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks? ~ Anonymous
christmas message
✍ Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. ~ Richard Lamm

✍ Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking? ~ Arlo Guthrie
quote by Bernard Manning
✍ Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. ~ Phyllis Diller
✍ Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money? ~ Tom Armstrong
The only time you're going to be using these funny card messages is when you have to send them to your close friends. These are the people you can really joke around with funny Christmas quotes and sayings.
Besides from mentioned card messages, you can use lines from your favorite Christmas songs as well. After all, it's all about being innovative and creative while writing in the cards.