These Funny Christmas Card Messages Will Leave You in Splits

Christmas is the Disneyfication of Christianity ~ Don Cupitt

Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it weren't for Christmas, We'd all be Jewish. ~ Benny Hill

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. ~ Mary Ellen Chase

You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger. ~ Robert Paul

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet. ~ Anonymous

Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money. ~ Anonymous

Christmas is for children. But it is for grownups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts. ~ Lenora Weber

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. ~ Bob Phillips

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. ~ Johnny Carson

I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month. ~ Harlan Miller

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. ~ Garrison Keillor

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. ~ Kin Hubbard

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist, it would be necessary to invent it. ~ Katharine Whitehorn

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. ~ Jay Leno

Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human - like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family... ~ Berke Breathed

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. ~ Victor Borge

There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries. ~ W. J. Cameron

Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. ~ Dennis Miller

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home. ~ Carol Nelson

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up, they have no holidays. ~ Henny Youngman

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love! ~ Hamilton Wright Mabie

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. ~ Roy L. Smith

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks? ~ Anonymous

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. ~ Richard Lamm

Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking? ~ Arlo Guthrie

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. ~ Phyllis Diller

Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money? ~ Tom Armstrong

The only time you're going to be using these funny card messages is when you have to send them to your close friends. These are the people you can really joke around with funny Christmas quotes and sayings. Besides from above mentioned card messages, you can use lines from your favorite Christmas songs as well. After all, it's all about being innovative and creative while writing in the cards.