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Funny Christmas Quotes

Sybil T Dec 17, 2018
Humor, they say, is present in every sphere of life. So, there is a lighter side to Christmas and these funny Christmas sayings prove so. Take a look at these funny Christmas quotes and sayings, and share the joy of Yuletide..!
It's Christmas once again! Every year on December 25, the Christmas spirit is celebrated all over the world. Everyone is engulfed with merriment! Christmas, also known Xmas, is about love, peace, compassion, and a spirit of goodwill. From time unknown, only gifts were exchanged among friends and family.
This year let us make a difference by adding a sense of humor and touch lives in a special way. Take a look at some funny Christmas quotes and sayings that can be added as a part of the greetings, to celebrate and spread happiness.

Funny Quotes and Sayings about Christmas

The feast of Christmas is all about sharing and caring.This festive season let us share the gift of laughter, along with the Christmas presents, with others. Here are some funny quotes and sayings to enliven the spirit of Christmas.
"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic." - Anonymous 
"Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?" - Arlo Guthrie, American folk singer 
"I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month." - Harlan Miller

"That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me." - Jerry Seinfeld, comedian and writer
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us . . . a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird . . . a social being . . . capable of actual affection . . . 
nuzzling its young with almost human - like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family. . . ." - Berke Breathed, Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist
"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it." - Richard Lamm, politician 
"I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year...
...when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys." - Charles Dickens, Novelist
"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall." - Larry Wilde, motivational speaker

"From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it." - Katharine Whitehorn, writer and columnist
"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year." - Victor Borge, Danish musician and humorist

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph." -Shirley Temple, Hollywood actress
"The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband". - Joan Rivers, comedienne

"Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money." - Anonymous
"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit." - Anonymous

"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit." - Kin Hubbard, humorist
"Christ was born in the first century, yet he belongs to all centuries. He was born a Jew, yet He belongs to all races. He was born in Bethlehem, yet He belongs to all countries." - George W. Truett, preacher
"Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?" - Tom Armstrong, American cartoonist
"Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? 
...If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!" - Charles Dickens, in A Christmas Carol
"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together." - Garrison Keillor, humorist and radio broadcaster
"Christmas is for children. But it is for grownups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts." - Lenora Weber, writer
"Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live." - Dennis Miller, Stand-up comedian

" Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet." - Anonymous
"There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them." - P.J. O'Rourke 
"Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?" - Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes 
"Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!" - Charles Dickens, novelist

"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child." - Erma Bombeck, humorist
"Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music." - Tom Sims, snowboarding world champion
"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included." - Bernard Manning

"You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger." - Robert Paul
"People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks?" - Anonymous
"A Christmas candle is a lovely thing; It makes no noise at all, But softly gives itself away; While quite unselfish, it grows small." - Eva K. Logue
Hope you enjoyed this collection of funny Christmas quotes. Use these funny Christmas quotes for cards, to send to a friend or relative you're missing this Christmas. What better way than adding a streak of joy and laughter in your loved one's life! Wish you all a Merry Christmas!