With the New Year approaches rapidly, what are you going to put as your Facebook status? Will it be a new resolution you intend to commit to for the upcoming year? If you haven’t thought of a perfect status message, perhaps CelebrationJoy can be of some assistance. With funny New Year’s resolution quotes and messages, be ready to get the maximum number of likes.
3… 2… 1… Happy New Year!
- In New York City’s Times Square, 2,000 pounds of confetti are dropped over a million people.
- In Australia, over a million people arrive at Sydney Harbour’s 40 miles shoreline to witness the fireworks show.
- In London, England, crowds get to watch the fireworks show over the River Thames.
We all make new resolutions as soon as the New Year begins. And in this age of technology, it is tough not to post our promises on Facebook so that the whole world, a.k.a. friends, can read it.
So, why should this year be any different? With our collection of hilarious status updates ideas about love, life, friends, and everything else under the stars, your New Year’s resolution status will be colorful than ever.
List of Funny New Year’s Resolutions
Below is a list of interesting status messages we know you’re going to love. Go through the list to pick as many messages as you like, and post them on your wall throughout the day, if you like.
Since this year kicked my @$$ financially, I resolve to celebrate the arrival of the New Year as if it’s $19.99.
To those who update their Facebook page every 30 seconds, this year, I will teach you why Twitter exists.
My New Year’s resolution? Here it is ― this year, don’t continue doing stupid things you did last year. Boom. You’re welcome.
Continuing the tradition of making a resolution, this year will be just like the last time―don’t die. So far so good.
This year, I resolve to spend more time than last year wishing my enemies were dead.
For my New Year’s resolution, I will check my breathing more than my Facebook notifications.
Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.
― Brad Paisley
I resolve to not come home so drunk as to think that my car alarm remote will magically open my apartment front door.
I resolve to stop asking dumb questions to Siri.
My New Year’s resolution is to decipher the obscured meaning in yours.
This year, I resolve to mock all my friends and family members who come up with a new ‘bad habits’ resolution.
My New Year’s resolution is to not think that I’m above Autocorrect; I will not ignore it.
I resolve to stop lying to myself about sticking to any earth-shattering lifestyle changes I may make on New Year’s Eve.
This year, I resolve not to harass my supervisor with the same lame excuses about taking the day off. I will make some excellent excuses.
I resolve to come up with a stronger Wi-Fi password than “baloney 1”.
My New Year’s resolution? Option A – lose weight. Option B ― Buy bigger jeans.
New Year’s Day – Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can being paving hell with them as usual.
― Mark Twain
I resolve to lose just enough weight so that when I brush my teeth, my gut won’t jiggle out of control.
My New Year’s resolution is to pretend that I’m excited about hearing yours.
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
― Joey Adams
My New Year’s resolutions –
1. Not to make any lists.
B. Stay consistent.
6. Learn how to count.
My New Year’s Resolution List usually starts with the desire to lose between ten and three thousand pounds.
― Nia Vardalos
This year, I wish to have a fat bank account and a thin body. Let’s just hope that the Gods don’t mix these two up.
New year, same resolution, no hope.
This year, every time a telemarketer calls me, I will hand the phone to my 4-year-old and tell him it’s Santa.
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
― Oscar Wilde
This year, I resolve to give up on my resolution at day 1 and instead, get an early start at binge eating, boozing, napping, and slacking off.
My New Year’s resolution ― Date more pretty women.
Edited ― Date more.
Edited again ― Get a date.
Edited x3 ― Be able to gather enough courage to ask a girl on a date.
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.
― Jay Leno
I have no way of knowing how people really feel, but the vast majority of those I meet couldn’t be nicer. Every once in a while someone barks at me. My New Year’s resolution is not to bark back.
― Tucker Carlson
My New Year’s resolution is to eat more fruit … snacks.
This year, I will only sit in front of the laptop for an hour a day. Although, since I don’t like to wear a watch or have the need to see the time at all times, it can be difficult to follow the resolution.
My resolution is to not hang around girls. They somehow misunderstand it to be love, and that kinda sucks.
This year, I resolve to work with children who get neglected by their families; i.e. my own.
Let’s not make any New Year’s resolutions. What’s the point? It just something that goes in one year and out the other.
My resolution for this year is to convey the message that those who break a resolution are wussies, and those who make on in the first place are fools.
New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
― James Agate
This year, I will not be making any resolutions. The task of making plans, criticizing it, and then finally cursing myself of making a promise is too much work.
Have a safe New Year’s Eve and a prosperous New Year.